If you are looking for some good practice scripts to improve your acting, I’m sure you’ll love this article.
While many factors make a great actor, such as voice, imagination, good observation skills, a natural ability to be a team player etc.
But the regular practice remains one of the greatest, most accessible and often overlooked tools from an actor’s toolbox.
Whether you are starting or you are already a working actor, you might not always have the opportunity to be a part of a play or a film, so what do you do then?
Everyday practice is necessary for us actors, like the boxers, are practising the same punch combination every single day.
Same for us, find a good play or movie script that you connect with and practice it every day until you feel like you are ready to play it in front of the camera. I would also add that a good idea would be to find a partner to practice with after a while.
Before I go any further I would like to quote Sir Anthony Hopkins who said in one of his interviews: “Learning lines keep my brain going.”
He also mentioned in an interview that he tries to learn a poem a week, which I want to challenge myself to also do.
Why should I practice acting with scripts?
We need to be able to know the difference between a good script and a badly written one.
The difference between a character and a bad one, a good dialogue or monologue and so on.
And the only way to do that is to read a lot of scripts, take out monologues or dialogues from them and practice.
That is the only way we can teach ourselves to spot a good piece of material for our next audition.
And the benefits don’t end here!
By practising daily you will get better at script analysis, delivery, and character analysis.
How Should I practice?
I love documenting my practice sessions.
Find a script you connect with from the list below, and print it out so you can make plenty of notes on it, but don’t start analysing it yet.
Instead, get your phone ready and record your second “cold” read.
And then after working with the script for a while, record your second reading session and so on.
But I would like to urge you NOT to use the recordings as a guide to correct your mistakes.
Don’t forget we don’t practice acting in front of the mirror, and the camera is exactly that.
You will feel it when you get it right, to quote Brando: “When it’s right is right, you can feel it in your bones”.
Practising your craft at times can be repetitive and dull, linear.
So recording yourself and pulling out the videos from the archive one year later can be quite motivating.
If you will keep practising daily, the difference between your first and last video one will make all the hard work worth it.
So what are some good scripts to practice acting?
The answer is a simple one.
Find a script that you connect with at an emotional level, that one that you can say “all this is about me”.
I have been asking myself for a good while: what is a good practice script?
I found the answer to my question from a British actor that lives and works in New York for many years now.
He said: “When it comes to reading plays, practising monologues, scripts and so on, choose the one you like”. As simple as that, and in this article you can find the one I like.
Where to find more scripts to practice acting?
If you can’t connect with any of the scripts from below, here are some of my favourite sources to find scripts from, enjoy!
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All acting scripts
INT. SHELDRAKE’S OFFICE – DAY
Mr. Sheldrake is a $14,000 a year man, and rates a four-
window office.
It is not quite an executive suite, but it is several pegs
above the glass cubicles of the middle echelon. There is
lots of leather, and a large desk behind which sits MR.
SHELDRAKE. He is a substantial looking, authoritative man in
his middle forties, a pillar of his suburban community, a
blood donor and a family man. The latter is attested to by a
framed photograph showing two boys, aged 8 and 10, in
military school uniforms.
As Baxter comes through the door, Sheldrake is leafing
through Dobisch’s efficiency report. He looks up at Bud
through a pair of heavy-rimmed reading glasses.
SHELDRAKE
Baxter?
BUD
Yes, sir.
SHELDRAKE
(studying him)
I was sort of wondering what you
looked like. Sit down.
BUD
Yes, Mr. Sheldrake.
He seats himself on the very edge of the leather armchair
facing Sheldrake.
SHELDRAKE
Been hearing some very nice things
about you — here’s a report from
Mr. Dobisch — loyal, cooperative,
resourceful —
BUD
Mr. Dobisch said that?
SHELDRAKE
And Mr. Kirkeby tells me that
several nights a week you work late
at the office — without overtime.
BUD
(modestly)
Well, you know how it is — things
pile up.
SHELDRAKE
Mr. Vanderhof, in Public Relations,
and Mr. Eichelberger, in Mortgage
and Loan — they’d both like to
have you transferred to their
departments.
BUD
That’s very flattering.
Sheldrake puts the report down, takes off his glasses, leans
across the desk toward Bud.
SHELDRAKE
Tell me, Baxter — just what is it
that makes you so popular?
BUD
I don’t know.
SHELDRAKE
Think.
Bud does so. For a moment, he is a picture of intense
concentration. Then —
BUD
Would you mind repeating the
question?
SHELDRAKE
Look, Baxter, I’m not stupid. I
know everything that goes on in
this building — in every
department — on every floor —
every day of the year.
BUD
(in a very small voice)
You do?
SHELDRAKE
(rises, starts pacing)
In 1957, we had an employee here,
name of Fowler. He was very popular,
too. Turned out he was running a
bookie joint right in the Actuarial
Department tying up the switchboard,
figuring the odds on our I.B.M.
machines — so the day before the
Kentucky Derby, I called in the
Vice Squad and we raided the
thirteenth floor.
BUD
(worried)
The Vice Squad?
SHELDRAKE
That’s right, Baxter.
BUD
What — what’s that got to do with
me? I’m not running any bookie joint.
SHELDRAKE
What kind of joint are you running?
BUD
Sir?
SHELDRAKE
There’s a certain key floating
around the office — from Kirkeby
to Vanderhof to Eichelberger to
Dobisch — it’s the key to a
certain apartment — and you know
who that apartment belongs to?
BUD
Who?
SHELDRAKE
Loyal, cooperative, resourceful C.
C. Baxter.
BUD
Oh.
SHELDRAKE
Are you going to deny it?
BUD
No, sir. I’m not going to deny it.
But if you’d just let me explain —
SHELDRAKE
You better.
BUD
(a deep breath)
Well, about six months ago — I was
going to night school, taking this
course in Advanced Accounting —
and one of the guys in our
department — he lives in Jersey —
he was going to a banquet at the
Biltmore — his wife was meeting
him in town, and he needed someplace
to change into a tuxedo — so I
gave him the key and word must
have gotten around — because the
next thing I knew, all sorts of
guys were suddenly going to
banquets — and when you give the
key to one guy, you can’t say no to
another and the whole thing got out
of hand — pardon me.
He whips out the nasal-spray, administers a couple of quick
squirts up each nostril.
SHELDRAKE
Baxter, an insurance company is
founded on public trust. Any
employee who conducts himself in a
manner unbecoming —
(shifting into a new gear)
How many charter members are there
in this little club of yours?
BUD
Just those four — out of a total
of 31,259 — so actually, we can be
very proud of our personnel —
percentage-wise.
SHELDRAKE
That’s not the point. Four rotten
apples in a barrel — no matter how
large the barrel — you realize
that if this ever leaked out —
BUD
Oh, it won’t. Believe me. And it’s
not going to happen again. From now
on, nobody is going to use my
apartment —
In his vehemence he squeezes the spray bottle, which squirts
all over the desk.
SHELDRAKE
Where is your apartment?
BUD
West 67th Street. You have no idea
what I’ve been going through —
with the neighbors and the landlady
and the liquor and the key —
SHELDRAKE
How do you work it with the key?
BUD
Well, usually I slip it to them in
the office and they leave it under
the mat — but never again — I can
promise you that —
The phone buzzer sounds, and Sheldrake picks up the phone.
SHELDRAKE
Yes, Miss Olsen.
ADAM’S RIB
Amanda – Occupation?
Doris – No occupation.
A – Housewife.
D – That’s right. Housewife.
A – All right.
D – And mother.
A – Yes.
(Amanda offers cigarette.)
D – No, thank you. I don’t believe a woman should smoke. You’ll excuse me saying it.
A – Yes, I’ll excuse you… Now.
D – It’s not feminine.
A – How long have you been married, Mrs. Attinger?
D – Nine years and four months.
A – I see.
D – And 12 days.
Assistant – Finished.
D – Yes, thank you.
Assistant – Thank you.
D – Thank you.
A – And you have 3 children?
D – Warren Jr., he’s 8, Allan, he’s 7 and Trudy, she’s 6. That’s all.
A – When did you begin to suspect you were losing your husband’s affection?
D – When he stopped battin’ me around.
A – When was that?
D – 11 months ago. March 14th.
A – He struck you?
D – First time, he broke a tooth. My tooth.
A – I see.
D – Upper left molar.
A – And how often –
D – It’s capped now. You can’t notice it.
A – Good. Now, let’s start with the day of the accident—
D – Oh, no accident. I wanted to shoot him.
A – Suppose we decide later just what you wanted to do.
D – Silly.
A – The difference between 10 years in prison and freedom is not silly, Mrs. Attinger.
D – Call me Doris.
A – Pay attention to what I’m saying.
D – I don’t care what happens to me.
A – Do you care what happens to Warren and Allan and Trudy?
D – Yes, I do. I wanna go home. Can’t you fix it so I should go home?
A – Not right now, but we’re working on it. Here.
(Amanda pours her a glass of water.)
D – I promised my kids I’d take them to Coney Island tomorrow.
A – Yes, you drink that. Now you would help us very much if you could reconstruct the day. All of yesterday.
D – Well, first thing in the morning…
A – Yes?
D – I woke up.
A – Yes?
D – And I see he didn’t sleep at home.
A – And you were shocked and surprised?
D – Oh no. Not shocked, not surprised. He used to not do that a lot – Come home.
A – Did you ever question him about his behavior?
D – Certainly.
A – Did he offer any explanation?
D – Certainly. He told me to shut up and mind my own business.
A – I see.
D – But yesterday. I got worried. Not worried, mad. I got mad. You know why?
A – Why?
D – Cause it was the 4th night in a row he didn’t.
A – Come home?
D – Yeah.
A – And that made you angry?
D – Sure. It was getting’ a habit with him. So I sent the kids to school and I went and bought a gun.
A – Where?
D – This hock shop I go to. I bought a gun and they gave me a book how to – free.
A – Had you decided by this time exactly what you planned to do?
D – I’ll tell you the honest truth. I didn’t decide nothin’. I was doin’ everything like in a dream – like I was watchin’ myself, but I couldn’t help it. Like a dream.
A – Yeah. Wait a second. (To Asst.) You got all that?
Assistant – “Like I was watching myself but I couldn’t help it. Like a dream.”
A – Yeah, that’s good. Now, go on, Doris.
D – So then I got very hungry.
A – When?
D – When I bought the gun.
A – Yeah?
D – So I went in this hamburger place and I ate 2 – rare – and one lemon meringue pie.
A – And then?
D – Then I was still hungry.
Assistant – Think of that.
D – So I walked around and I kept talkin’ to myself not to be foolish.
A – And then?
D – And then I called up Warren. He was just getting’ his lunch hour by now. I said I want to see him important, so if we could have lunch together. So he said no, naturally. So I asked him, “You comin’ home after?” So he says, “What for?” So I said to him, “Don’t you live there no more?” So he says, “Don’t bother me at the office. You want me to lose my job?” Loud. So then he hung up.
A – And what did you do.
D – I had a cup of coffee.
A – Where?
D – The same place as him, only he didn’t see me. It was crowded. The Buffet Exchange. So then I bought some chocolate nut bars and I went outside of his office and I waited the whole afternoon. And I kept eatin’ the candy bars and waitin’ until he came out. And then I followed him. And then I shot him.
A – And after you shot him, how did you feel then?
D – Hungry.
The Truth About Cats and Dogs
NOEL- You like him and he likes you. Don’t pretend you don’t.
ABBY- I don’t!
NOEL- Did you hear what he said to you? I wish a guy would say that to me.
ABBY-He did say it to you.
NOEL-No he didn’t. He really said it to you and you’ve confused everything because you’re a scaredy-cat.
ABBY-I may be somewhat trepidatious, yes, I’m not some big, dumb dog that goes bounding after the first guy she sees.
NOEL-I’m not dumb!
ABBY-I didn’t mean that.
NOEL-Besides, you’re the dummy.
ABBY-I am?
NOEL-Yeah. Nice guy like that with that accent, arty, and you won’t even have a drink with him?
ABBY-He has a preconceived notion…you. Then he sees me. Over.
NOEL-I love the way you look. You’ve got a pretty face. You’re a celebrity.
ABBY- I don’t expect you to understand this. You burp, guys think it’s adorable. You puke and they line up ti hold your hair back.
NOEL-I can tell you for a fact that’s not true. When’s the last time you had sex?
ABBY-Three years.
NOEL-Really? Three years, no sex?
ABBY-One can survive. This is the electronic age.
NOEL-But even cats have more sex than that, don’t they?
ABBY-Not mine. Are you going to eat that?
NOEL-I don’t eat.
ABBY-You don’t eat. You ordered it.
NOEL-I love to order, I love menus. But I got to keep the calories down.
ABBY-How can you live like that?
NOEL-Do you believe you are what you eat?
ABBY-I guess.
NOEL-See, that’s what scares me. I don’t eat anything so I can look good on the outside. But on the inside, there’s nothing.
ABBY-Oh I see.
NOEL-Whereas you, on the other hand, you’re very rich.
ABBY-Thank you.
NOEL-Do you hearing a bzzzzing?
ABBY-It’s a bee.
NOEL-Is that a bee? Bee bee bee bee!
GUY-I’ll get it. [Swats all over the place like crazy] It’s dead.
NOEL-No kidding.
GUY-I killed it.
NOEL-You certainly did.
GUY-You’re going to be alright now, so…
ABBY-She’s fine. We’re fine. Everybody’s fine, right? Great, thank you.
NOEL-Thank you.
GUY-Thank you.
NOEL-What’s wrong, Abby?
ABBY-Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won’t take care of.
7 INT. THE SAIGON BAR – DAY
Not much in this place — a bar, linoleum flooring, a few
tables and chairs, and a juke box. The lounge is fairly
crowded. Willard takes off his cap and walks quietly
past the soldiers at the bar. Some of them, catching
sight of his ribbons, stop talking as he moves by.
An INFANTRY CAPTAIN enters the bar, buys a couple of
drinks and approaches Willard’s table.
CAPTAIN
How about a drink ?
WILLARD
Sure, thanks.
He sits down at the table with the drinks.
CAPTAIN
Winning the war by yourself.
WILLARD
(he calls for the waiter)
Part.
CAPTAIN
Which part is that ?
WILLARD
My part.
(TO THE WAITER)
Beer, with ice and water.
CAPTAIN
That’s good gin.
WILLARD
I’m sure it is, but I had hepatitis.
CAPTAIN
Delta ?
WILLARD
No.
CAPTAIN
North ?
WILLARD
Yeah. Way north.
CAPTAIN
What unit were you with ?
WILLARD
None.
CAPTAIN
Rangers, eh?
WILLARD
Sort of.
The JUKE BOX starts BLARING. Annoyed , Willard looks over
his shoulder.
CAPTAIN
Were you Longe Range Recon —
WILLARD
No — I worked too far north for
LRRP.
He reaches into his shirt pocket for a cigarette, and the
Captain leans over the table to light it for him. Willard
notices the CIVILIAN on the street has glanced in the bar,
then enters and sits down at a table by the doorway.
CAPTAIN
That’s quite an array of ribbons…
WILLARD
Let’s talk about you.
CAPTAIN
I was an FO for the 25th.
WILLARD
Tracks ?
CAPTAIN
Yeah.
WILLARD
Fat. That’s real fat.
CAPTAIN
Sometimes.
WILLARD
At least you always have enough
water. How many gallons does
each one of those damn things
carry ?
CAPTAIN
Thirty — sometimes fifty.
WILLARD
You know, I can remember once,
getting back below the DMZ — and
the first Americans we ran into
were a track squadron. I just
couldn’t believe how much water
they had. We’d been chewing
bamboo shoots for almost a week,
and before that, for two weeks,
we’d been drinking anything —
rain water, river shit, stuff
right out of the paddies. And
there were these guys standing
by their trucks spilling water
all over. I could’ve killed them.
(solemnly)
I swear to God I would have, too,
if …
CAPTAIN
I didn’t know we had units up
there in North Vietnam.
WILLARD
We do.
CAPTAIN
How long were you up there ?
WILLARD
A long time.
CAPTAIN
A year ? Waiter another beer.
WILLARD
I go up on missions. Listen
Captain, buy me all the beer
you want, but you better tell
that asshole over there you’re
not going to find out anymore
about me.
Willard glances over his shoulder and indicates the
Civilian. The Civilian is given a sign by the Captain.
He rises and comes over to the bar.
WILLARD
(continuing)
What do you want ?
CAPTIAN
(indicating the Army jeep)
If you’re B.L. Willard, 4th Recon
Group, we’d like you to come with
us.
WILLARD
Whose orders ?
CAPTAIN
Headquarters 11 Corps — 405th
A.S.A Battalion — S-2 —
Com-Sec — Intelligence —
Nha Trang.
WILLARD
Who are you ?
CAPTAIN
The agency.
Willard looks at the Civilian a moment, and then walks
roght out toward the jeep without saying another word.
The Civilian follows.
EXT. DESERT – DAY
ACE still standing in the desert. NICKY’s car suddenly appears
as a reflection in ACE’s sunglasses, shaking ACE out of his
desert-induced reverie. NICKY’s car pulls up by ACE. He gets
out and storms up to him.
NICKY
Where the fuck you get off talkin’
to people about me behind my back?
Goin’ over my head?
ACE
What people?
NICKY
What people! What’d you think, I
wasn’t gonna find out?
ACE
I don’t even know what you’re talkin’
about, Nick.
NICKY
No? You said I’m bringin’ heat on
you?! I gotta listen to people because
of your fuckin’ shit?! You’re ordering
me out?! You better get your own
fuckin’ army, pal!
ACE
I didn’t do anything. I mean, I didn’t
order you or anybody… I only told
Andy Stone that you had a lot of
heat on you, and that was a problem.
NICKY
You want me to get out of my own
fuckin’ town?!
ACE
Yeah, I said I – let the bullshit
blow over for a while so I can run
the casino. Anything goes wrong with
the casino, it’s my ass. It’s not
yours, it’s my ass.
NICKY
Oh, I don’t know whether you know
this or not, but you only have your
fuckin’ casino because I made that
possible!
ACE
I –
NICKY
(Interrupting)
I’m what counts out here! Not your
fuckin’ country clubs or your fuckin’
TV shows! And what the fuck are you
doin’ on TV anyhow?!
ACE
What are you –
NICKY
(Interrupting)
You know I get calls from back home
every fuckin’ day?! They think you
went batshit!
ACE
I’m only on TV because I gotta be
able to hang around the casino. You
understand that. You know that. Come
on.
NICKY
Your fuckin’ ass! You could have had
the food and beverage job without
goin’ on television! You wanted to
go on TV.
ACE
Yeah, I did want to go on TV. That
way I have a forum. I can fight back.
I’m known. People see me. They know
they can’t fuck around with me like
they could if I was an unknown. That’s
right.
NICKY
You’re makin’ a big fuckin’ spectacle
of yourself.
ACE
Me?! I wouldn’t even be in this
situation if it wasn’t for you. You
brought down so much fuckin’ heat on
me. I mean, every time I meet somebody
here, the big question is do I know
you.
NICKY
Oh, sure. Now you want to blame your
fuckin’ license on me, is that it?
ACE
No, it – it – Nicky, when you asked
me if you could come out here, what
did I tell you? I mean, you asked
me, and I knew you were going to
come out no matter what I said, but
what did I tell you? Do you remember
what I told…
NICKY
(Interrupting)
Back –
ACE
…you? Do you remember what I told
you?
NICKY
Back – Back up, back up a fuckin’
minute here. One minute. I asked
you?! When the fuck did I ever ask
you if I could come out here?! Get
this through your head, you –
ACE
(Interrupting)
You never – ?
NICKY
Get this through your head, you Jew
motherfucker, you. You only exist
out here because of me! That’s the
only reason! Without me, you,
personally, every fuckin’ wiseguy
skell [Skell: the lowest form of
wiseguy – a drunken bum] around’ll
take a piece of your fuckin’ Jew
ass! Then where you gonna go?! You’re
fuckin’ warned! Don’t ever go over
my fuckin’ head again! You
motherfucker, you!
NICKY drives off, leaving an angry and frustrated ACE to
ponder the desert and the holes.
|
SONNY What? What are they doing back there? What are they doing back there? What are they doing back there? Don’t give me that shit, you know who. You’re full of shit. Yeah, yeah, bullshit. Bullshit. You get somebody to talk to me. I’m not talking to you any more. You tell me one thing then you do another. What were they doing back there? Yeah, you don’t know. You’re full of shit. How do I know you’re not gonna come through the roof? Yeah, you’re telling me a lot of things, but you’re not doing them. What were they doing back there? You can’t answer me. You can’t answer me. You can’t answer me. I got a guy in there who’s going to kill somebody. That’s your responsibility, you understand. Not mine, yours. Oh yeah? Why are you coming so close? I thought so to, but we’re not talking. We’re trying to get in through the back door, that’s what we’re doing. He’s still pointing that gun. Just don’t fucking con me, alright? |
MARETTI Sonny, Sonny, come on out. What the fuck is the matter with you? What are you firing a shot in there for? We’ve got 250 cops out here for Christ’s sake. What the hell’s the matter with you? Who? [To police.] What the fuck is going on here? Go back there and figure out what’s going on back there. Honest Sonny, I don’t know what the fuck is going on here. [Ad lib, trying to convince Sonny.] Let me talk to you. I don’t know what the fuck they were doing back there. Cause I’m telling you we’re not. [Ad lib.] I don’t know what they were doing back there. What? Yes, I can, we had communications set up… Hold on a minute. We got everything you wanted. Yeah. We can’t get a helicopter in here, but we got a bus coming. We’ve got a jet coming into Kennedy. Alright? Okay? I thought we were going to talk here.\ We’ve got your wife coming down, alright? Holster that weapon! You too. Alright. What else do you want? We got everything you wanted. I don’t know how you could do any better. I’ll do everythin I can to stop anything I can, alright? I’m not conning you, why would I want to do that? I’m in trouble enough as it is. I’m not trying to create any trouble. |
INT. ANNIE’S APARTMENT HALLWAY
Annie, looking slightly distraught, goes to open the door to Alvy’s knock.
ALVY
What’s- It’s me, open up.
ANNIE
(Opening the door)
Oh.
ALVY
Are you okay? What’s the matter?
(They look at each other, Annie
sighing)
Are you all right? What-
ANNIE
There’s a spider in the bathroom.
ALVY
(Reacting)
What?
ANNIE
There’s a big black spider in the bathroom.
ALVY
That’s what you got me here for at three
o’clock in the morning, ’cause there’s a
spider in the bathroom?
ANNIE
My God, I mean, you know how I am about
insects.
ALVY
(Interrupting, sighing)
Oooh.
ANNIE
-I can’t sleep with a live thing crawling
around in the bathroom.
ALVY
Kill it! For Go- What’s wrong with you?
Don’t you have a can of Raid in the house?
ANNIE
(Shaking her head)
No.
Alvy, disgusted, starts waving his hands and starts to move into the living
room.
ALVY
(Sighing)
I told you a thousand times you should
always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray.
You never know who’s gonna crawl over.
ANNIE
(Following him)
I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and
a fire extinguisher.
ALVY
Jesus. All right, gimme a magazine.
I- ’cause I’m a little tired.
(While Annie goes of to find
him a magazine, Alvy, still
talking, glances around the
apartment. He notices a small
book on a cabinet and picks it up.)
You know, you, you joke with-about me,
you make fun of me, but I’m prepared for
anything. An emergency, a tidal wave,
an earthquake. Hey, what is this?
What? Did you go to a rock concert?
ANNIE
Yeah.
ALVY
Oh, yeah, really? Really? How-how’d
you like it? Was it-was it, I mean,
did it … was it heavy? Did it achieve
total heavy-ocity? Or was it, uh…
ANNIE
It was just great!
ALVY
(Thumbing through the book)
Oh, humdinger. When- Well, I got a
wonderful idea. Why don’tcha get the
guy who took you to the rock concert,
we’ll call him and he can come over and
kill the spider. You know, it’s a-
He tosses the book down on the cabinet.
ANNIE
I called you; you wanna help me … or
not? H’h? Here.
She hands him a magazine.
ALVY
(Looking down at the magazine)
What is this? What are you, since
when do you read the “National Review”?
What are you turning in to?
ANNIE
(Turning to a nearby chair for
some gum in her pocketbook)
Well, I like to try to get all points
of view.
ALVY
It’s wonderful. Then why don’tcha get
William F. Buckley to kill the spider?
ANNIE
(Spinning around to face him)
Alvy, you’re a little hostile, you
know that? Not only that, you look
thin and tired.
She puts a piece of gum in her mouth.
ALVY
Well, I was in be- It’s three o’clock
in the morning. You, uh, you got me
outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn’t
get a taxi cab. You said it was an
emergency, and I didn’t ge- I ran up
the stairs. Hell – I was a lot more
attractive when the evening began.
Look, uh, tell- Whatta you- Are you
going with a right-wing rock-and roll
star? Is that possible?
ANNIE
(Sitting down on a chair arm
and looking up at Alvy)
Would you like a glass of chocolate milk?
ALVY
Hey, what am I-your son? Whatta you mean?
I-I came over TV –_
ANNIE
(Touching his chest with her hand)
I got the good chocolate, Alvy.
ALVY
Yeah, where is the spider?
ANNIE
It really is lovely. It’s in the bathroom.
ALVY
Is he in the bathroom?
ANNIE
(Rising from chair)
Hey, don’t squish it, and after it’s
dead, flush it down the toilet, okay?
And flush it a couple o’ times.
ALVY
(Moving down the hallway to
the bathroom)
Darling, darling, I’ve been killing
spiders since I was thirty, okay?
ANNIE
(Upset, hands on her neck)
Oh. What?
ALVY
(Coming back into the living room)
Very big spider.
ANNIE
Yeah?
ALVY
Two … Yeah. Lotta, lotta trouble.
There’s two of ’em.
Alvy starts walking down the ball again, Annie following.
ANNIE
Two?
ALVY
(Opening a closet door)
Yep. I didn’t think it was that big,
but it’s a major spider. You got a
broom or something with a-
ANNIE
Oh, I-I left it at your house.
ALVY
(Overlapping)
-snow shovel or anything or something.
ANNIE
(Overlapping)
I think I left it there, I’m sorry.
Reaching up into the closet, Alvy takes out a covered tennis racquet.
ALVY
(Holding the racquet)
Okay, let me have this.
ANNIE
Well, what are you doing … what are
you doing with-
ALVY
Honey, there’s a spider in your bathroom
the size of a Buick.
He walks into the bathroom, Annie looking after him.
ANNIE
Well, okay. Oooh.
Alvy stands in the middle of the bathroom, tennis racquet in one band, rolled
magazine in the other. He looks over at the shelf above the sink and picks up
a small container. He holds it out, shouting off screen to Annie.
ALVY
Hey, what is this? You got black soap?
ANNIE
(Off screen)
It’s for my complexion.
ALVY
Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show?
Geez.
(Alvy turns and starts swapping
the racquet over the shelf, knocking
down articles and breaking glass)
Don’t worry!
(He continues to swat the racquet
all over the bathroom. He finally
moves out of the room, hands close
to his body. He walks into the
other room, where Annie is sitting
in a corner of her bed leaning against
the wall)
I did it! I killed them both. What-what’s
the matter? Whatta you-
(Annie is sobbing, her band over
her face)
-whatta you sad about? You- What’d you
want me to do? Capture ’em and rehabilitate
’em?
ANNIE
(Sobbing and taking Alvy’s arm)
Oh, don’t go, okay? Please.
ALVY
(Sitting down next to her)
Whatta you mean, don’t go? Whatta-whatta
-what’s the matter? Whatta you expecting
-termites? What’s the matter?
ANNIE
(Sobbing)
Oh, uh, I don’t know. I miss you. Tsch.
She beats her fist on the bed. Reacting, Alvy puts his arm around her shoulder
and leans back against the wall.
ALVY
Oh, Jesus, really?
ANNIE
(Leaning on his shoulder)
Oh, yeah. Oh.
(They kiss)
Oh! Alvy?
ALVY
What?
He touches her face gently as she wipes tears from her face.
ANNIE
Was there somebody in your room when
I called you?
ALVY
W-w-whatta you mean?
ANNIE
I mean was there another- I thought I
heard a voice.
ALVY
Oh, I had the radio on.
ANNIE
Yeah?
ALVY
I’m sorry. I had the television set
… I had the television-
ANNIE
Yeah.
Alvy pulls her to him and they kiss again.
CUT TO:
CORPORAL HOWARD, the young marine who drove the lawyers around
Cuba, is on the stand.
KAFFEE
Corporal Howard, name some reasons
why a marine would get a code red?
HOWARD
Being late for platoon or company
meetings, keeping his barracks in
disorder, falling back on a run…
KAFFEE
Have you ever received a code red?
HOWARD
Yes sir. We were doing seven man
assault drills, and my weapon slipped.
It’s just cause it was over a hundred
degrees and my palms were sweaty and
I’d forgot to use the resin like we
were taught.
KAFFEE
And what happened?
HOWARD
That night the guys in my squad threw
a blanket over me and took turns
punching me in the arm for five
minutes. Then they poured glue on my
hands. And it worked, too, ’cause I
ain’t never dropped my weapon since.
KAFFEE
Was Private Santiago ever late for
platoon meetings?
HOWARD
Yes sir.
KAFFEE
Was his barracks ever in disorder?
HOWARD
Yes sir.
KAFFEE
Did he ever fall back on a run?
HOWARD
All the time, sir.
KAFFEE
Did he ever, prior to the night of
August 6th, receive a code red?
HOWARD
No sir.
KAFFEE
(beat)
Never?
HOWARD
No, sir.
KAFFEE
You got a code red ’cause your palms
were sweaty. Why didn’t Santiago,
this burden to his unit, ever get
one?
HOWARD
Dawson wouldn’t allow it, sir.
KAFFEE
Dawson wouldn’t allow it.
HOWARD
The guys talked tough about Santiago,
but they wouldn’t go near him. They
were too afraid of Dawson, sir.
ROSS
Object. The witness is characterizing.
KAFFEE
I’ll rephrase. Jeffrey, did you ever
want to give Santiago a code red?
HOWARD
Yes sir.
KAFFEE
Why didn’t you?
HOWARD
‘Cause Dawson’d kick my butt, sir.
KAFFEE
Good enough. Lt. Ross is gonna ask
you some questions now.
ROSS takes three books out of his briefcase and puts them on
the table. He brings one to HOWARD.
ROSS
Corporal Howard, I hold here The
Marine Guide and General Information
Handbook for New Recruits. Are you
familiar with this book?
HOWARD
Yes sir.
ROSS
Have you read it?
HOWARD
Yes sir.
ROSS
Good.
(hands him the book)
Would you turn to the chapter that
deals with code reds, please.
HOWARD
Sir?
ROSS
Just flip to the page in that book
that discusses code reds.
HOWARD
Sir, you see, Code Red is a term we
use — it’s just used down at GITMO,
sir. I don’t know if it actually —
ROSS has produced another book.
ROSS
We’re in luck, then. The Marine Corps
Guide for Sentry Duty, NAVY BASE
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. I assume we’ll
find the term code red and its
definition in this book, am I correct?
HOWARD
No sir.
ROSS
No? Corporal Howard, I’m a marine.
Is their no book, no manual or
pamphlet, no set of orders or
regulations that let me know that,
as a marine, one of my duties is to
perform code reds?
HOWARD
(pause)
No sir. No books, sir.
ROSS
No further questions.
ROSS sits. KAFFEE walks over to ROSS’s table and picks up
one of the books. He brings it to HOWARD.
KAFFEE
Corporal, would you turn to the page
in this book that says where the
enlisted men’s mess hall is?
HOWARD
Lt. Kaffee, that’s not in the book,
sir.
KAFFEE
I don’t understand, how did you know
where the enlisted men’s mess hall
was if it’s not in this book?
HOWARD
I guess I just followed the crowd at
chow time, sir.
KAFFEE
No more questions.
KAFFEE chucks the book back on ROSS’s desk.
RANDOLPH
Corporal Howard, you can step down.
HOWARD
(greatly relieved)
Thank you, sir.
KAFFEE gives HOWARD a subtle “You Did Good, Kid” look, and
we
We HEAR the back door SLAM, then Jane enters and quickly
takes her seat at the table.
JANE
Sorry I’m late.
CAROLYN
(overly cheerful)
No, no, that’s quite all right, dear.
Your father and I were just discussing
his day at work.
(to Lester)
Why don’t you tell our daughter about it,
honey?
Jane stares at both her parents, apprehensive. Lester looks
at Carolyn darkly, then flashes a “you-asked-for-it” grin.
LESTER
Janie, today I quit my job. And then I
told my boss to fuck himself, and then I
blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand
dollars. Pass the asparagus.
CAROLYN
Your father seems to think this kind of
behavior is something to be proud of.
LESTER
And your mother seems to prefer I go
through life like a fucking prisoner
while she keeps my dick in a mason jar
under the sink.
CAROLYN
(ashen)
How dare you speak to me that way in
front of her? And I marvel that you can
be so contemptuous of me, on the same day
that you lose your job!
LESTER
Lose it? I didn’t lose it. It’s not like,
“Oops, where’d my job go?” I quit.
Someone pass me the asparagus.
CAROLYN
Oh! Oh! And I want to thank you for
putting me under the added pressure of
being the sole breadwinner now–
LESTER
I already have a job.
(CONTINUED)
62.
CONTINUED: (2)
CAROLYN
(not stopping)
No, no, don’t give a second thought as to
who’s going to pay the mortgage. We’ll
just leave it all up to Carolyn. You
mean, you’re going to take care of
everything now, Carolyn? Yes. I don’t
mind. I really don’t. You mean,
everything? You don’t mind having the
sole responsibility, your husband feels
he can just quit his job–
LESTER
(overlapping)
Will someone pass me the fucking
asparagus?
JANE
(rises)
Okay, I’m not going to be a part of this–
LESTER
(means it)
Sit down.
Jane does so, surprised and intimidated by the power in his
voice. Lester gets up, crosses to the other side of the table
to get a PLATE OF ASPARAGUS, then sits again as he serves
himself.
LESTER (CONT’D)
I’m sick and tired of being treated like
I don’t exist. You two do whatever you
want to do whenever you want to do it and
I don’t complain. All I want is the same
courtesy–
CAROLYN
(overlapping)
Oh, you don’t complain? Oh, excuse me.
Excuse me. I must be psychotic then, if
you don’t complain. What is this?! Am I
locked away in a padded cell somewhere,
hallucinating? That’s the only
explanation I can think of–
Lester hurls the plate of asparagus against the wall with
such force it SHATTERS, frightening Carolyn and Jane.
LESTER
(casual)
Don’t interrupt me, honey.
(CONTINUED)
63.
CONTINUED: (3)
He goes back to eating his meal, as if nothing unusual has
happened. Carolyn sits in her chair, shivering with rage.
Jane just stares at the plate in front of her.
LESTER (CONT’D)
Oh, and another thing. From now on, we’re
going to alternate our dinner music.
Because frankly, and I don’t think I’m
alone here, I’m really tired of this
Lawrence Welk shit.
Sophie’s Choice
Nathan and Sophie dance and play around trying different costumes when Stingo enters the open door.
Nathan: Stingo! (Grabs him and makes him dance as well). I know what you’re thinking: “These people are strange”. On Sundays we like to dress up a bit differently and go out.
Stingo: OK.
Nathan: OK? I knew you’d understand! (Looking out the window). You see, everybody out there dresses the same. Look at those poor, pathetic people out there. Look at them. Drones. All walking down the streets looking alike, wearing the same dread, boring uniform. You’re boring! Good morning! (Turning to Sophie). Look at this God’s gift! Give me a kiss. One kiss.
Sophie: All right, one kiss. That’s all you deserve.
Nathan: One more. I need one more.
Sophie: No.
Nathan: I have to have one more.
Sophie: Nathan!
Nathan: I can’t keep my hand off of you.
Sophie: This is… No, Nathan Landau!
Nathan: What do you think of that, Stingo? Here I am, a nice Jewish boy, pushing thirty. I fall crazy in love with a polish Shiksa.
Stingo: What is that? What is a Shiksa?
Nathan: A Shiksa? Is a “goee” girl. A lady of a gentile persuasion.
Stingo: She’s a… All right. I’d just assumed that she was not… that…
Nathan: That she was Jewish? Jewish?
Stingo: Yeah.
Nathan: No, no, no… Sophie is Catholic.
Sophie: That’s OK. But I’m not anymore Catholic, so…
Nathan: Catholicish. When I first met this one here she was a rag and bone and hank of hair. That was a year and a half after the Russians liberated the camp she was in.
Sophie: Yeah, it looked like something that scares the birds. You know, what is that? Scare… scarecrow. I had “scurbut”.
Nathan: No, no, no! She means scurvy. And typhus, anemia, fever. It was a miracle she’s emerged from that camp alive.
Sophie: Right! I mean, I thought that I had leukemia. I thought I was dying. But it was Nathan that see that it was only anemia.
Stingo: Are you a doctor?
Nathan: No, no. That’s my brother’s domain. But I’m a biologist.
Sophie: Yeah!
Nathan: I graduated in Science from Harvard.
Sophie: And he made MA in Developmental and Cellular Biology.
Nathan: I do research now.
Sophie: He works at Pfizer.
Nathan: Pfizer is a big pharmaceutical house here in Brooklyn. Anyway, I took her to this friend of my brother’s, a doctor who teaches at Columbia Presbyterian.
Sophie: Yeah.
Nathan: He confirmed my diagnosis. And we put the little sweetie here on massive doses of ferrous sulphate and she’d bloomed like a rose. A rose. A rose… A beautiful fucking rose. You’re something.
Sophie: Thank you for making me “to” bloom like a rose.
Nathan: Not “to” bloom, just “bloom”. She’s so good. It’s about time she was perfect.
Sophie: Ah to bloom, so what? I mean, this is a ridiculous language! There’s too many words! The word for velocity: OK, there’s fast, quick rapid and they all mean the same thing.
Nathan: Swift, Speedy.
Stingo: Hasty.
Nathan: Flit.
Stingo: Brisk.
Nathan: Expeditious.
Stingo: Accelerated.
Nathan: Winged.
Sophie: No, no! Stop it! It’s ridiculous! Oh, in French it’s so easy. You say: “vit”. Or in polish, “szybko” and in Russian, “bistroy”. It’s only in English that it’s so complicated!
Stingo: How many languages do you know?
Sophie: Well, my father was a Linguistic, so I mean, I… He teach me German, French,
Russian, Hungarian, the Slavic Languages. So, what language I’m butchering now? English!
Stingo: I bet your father was a very interesting man.
Sophie: Yeah, my father was a civilized man. That’s the word, yeah? Civilized?
Nathan: Very good word.
Sophie: Yeah? My father was a civilized man living in a non civilized time. The civilized, they was the first to die.
Stingo: Do you play the piano?
Sophie: No. I used to play, but I… I no longer play. I don’t, anymore… My mother was a beautiful pianist. Nathan surprised me with that piano on my birthday! (Nathan goes to her comforts her and begins to play the piano). I love that piece. When I was a little girl, I… I remember, I’d lay in bed and I’d hear my mother downstairs playing the piano and the sound of my father’s typewriter. I think no child had a more wonderful father and mother. And a more beautiful life. (Nathan changes the song). “Swanee”. You know that song, right? (The two play the piano together and Sophie asks Stingo to join). Stingo, hit it!
125 INT: THE BASEMENT ROOM – NIGHT
Now PUPKIN stands before PATTEN, held by PLAINCLOTHESMEN
who frisk him and hand PATTEN the autograph book.
GIARDELLO stands next to PATTEN.
PATTEN
(to the PLAINCLOTHESMEN)
I hope you brought me the right guy
this time. (to PUPKIN) Where’s Jerry
Langford?
PUPKIN
(to GIARDELLO)
Are you on the show?
PATTEN
No, Mr. King. That’s my assistant,
Mr. Giardello.
PUPKIN
I want to see someone on the show.
PATTEN
Well, you tell us where Mr. Langford
is and we’ll let you see anyone you
want.
PUPKIN
Just get me someone from the show.
PATTEN starts browsing through the autograph book.
PATTEN
Come on, Mr. King. Let’s not fool
around. (looking up from the book)
Should we know about any of these
people?
PUPKIN
(gesturing to the book)
That’s Orson Bean.
PATTEN
I see. (to GIARDELLO) Check these
out.
GIARDELLO starts looking through the autograph book.
PATTEN
Now are you going to talk to us,
or not?
PUPKIN
Sure I’ll talk. Just get me someone
from the show.
PATTEN
(to GIARDELLO)
Get that Thomas guy in here.
GIARDELLO leaves.
PATTEN
We haven’t much time, Mr. King.
PUPKIN looks towards the door.
PATTEN
Let’s start with your name.
PUPKIN
Rupert Pupkin.
PATTEN
That’s your real name?
PUPKIN
Yes sir.
PATTEN
You an American?
PUPKIN
Yes.
PATTEN
Then why do you people do these things?
THOMAS enters. He scrutinizes PUPKIN.
PUPKIN
Are you on the show?
THOMAS
Yes. I’m Bert Thomas.
PUPKIN pulls thin piece of neatly typewritten paper from
his inside jacket and hands it to THOMAS.
PUPKIN
Here’s the introduction to my act.
Please make sure Mr. Randall follows
it exactly as I’ve written it.
PATTEN nods to THOMAS who takes the paper and reads it as
he leaves.
PATTEN
Okay. How about helping us, Mr. King?
PUPKIN
What about make-up? I need make-up.
PATTEN
(to PLAINCLOTHESMEN)
Put some color in his cheeks.
LANA
Can I come sit by you? Do you hate me?
(Brandon shakes his head no)
LANA
Do you need anything? God…you’re so pretty
BRANDON
You’re just sayin’ that ‘cause you like me
LANA
What were you like…before all this. Were you like me? Like a girl-girl
BRANDON
Yeah. Like a long time ago…and then I guess I was just like a boy-girl.
And then I was just a jerk. It’s weird, finally everything felt right…well that’s pretty weird, huh?
LANA
Yeah. That dream I had, the first night? We were on the highway together. We could still do it.
BRANDON
Lana, I um…look I never been on a highway, or to the grand canyon, or any place like that. Until here, I never even been outta Lincoln. I never even met my Dad. He died before I was born. And my sister ain’t no model out in Hollywood
(Lana kisses Brandon)
BRANDON
Um…I was wondering if you wanna come home to Lincoln with me. My Mom, she’ll love you. And you gotta meet my cousin Lonnie. He’s a pain but he’s great.
LANA
When are we going?
BRANDON
We’ll have to leave tonight but Candice said she’ll drive us.
LANA
Alright…I better get my stuff then. Bye
WORKING GIRL
Tess knocks on the Katherine’s office door.
Katherine – Yep.
Tess – Um, I have an idea, and you said I could come to you.
K – Shoot.
T – Well, you know how Trask Industries has been looking to buy into broadcasting?
K – Something about the department is…
T – Working on it. Yeah. I’ve been following it myself, and all of a sudden I thought, “radio”.
K – Trask is looking for television stations.
T – Well so is every Tom Dick and Harry. See, my idea is that they get their feet wet in radio and build from there. I mean, it’s not as glamorous as jumping right into TV, but it’s a solid place to start and there’s a lot more of them for sale. Plus it would solve Trask’s problem with his Japanese competitors, trying to take him over, because FCC forbids foreign ownership of radio as well as TV.
K – Interesting. You’ve been… following this, you say?
T – Yeah.
K – No chance you overheard it, say, in the elevator?
T – No. No way.
K – Somewhere?
T – It’s my idea.
K – Good. Good. Discuss it with anyone else?
T – Nope. You think there’s something there?
K – Well, I can think it through for you. Why don’t you leave me your notes and I’ll have a look-see.
T – Okay. Um, I’ve been trying to get into the Entre Program, and this would be a big push. I mean if anything… anything happens, you’ll remember…
K – Absolutely. Tess. Two-way street, remember?
T – Yeah, thank you… Oh, I called the inn, and they said all they can give you is a ground floor single in the new wing.
K – Did you tell them it was me?
T – Well, I said Parker.
Katherine dials the phone.
K – Helmut?…(Kathereine speaks to owner on the phone and hangs up.) It’s this tower room with a canopy bed and a fireplace big enough to stand in. Perfect. Everything’s in place.
T – For what?
K – The man I’ve been seeing for awhile. I think he’s it. And I think this could be the weekend we decide. He said that there was something very important that he wanted to discuss with me. I think he’s going to pop the question.
T – You do?
K – I think so. We’re in the same city now. I’ve indicated that I’m receptive to an offer. I’ve cleared the month of June. And I am, after all, me.
T – Well, what if he doesn’t pop the question?
K – I really don’t think that’s a variable. Tess, you know, you don’t get anywhere in this world by waiting for what you want to come to you. You make it happen. Watch me, Tess. Learn from me.
T – Thank you, Katherine.
K – Tess? Tess! Look at me. Who makes it happen?
T – I do.
K – Who does?
T – I do. I make it happen.
K – That’s right. Only then do we get what we deserve.
MARY
My winning…the Mount Rose……American Teen Princess Pageant……really changed my life….Amber does my hair…once a week.
AMBER
Well…it’s the least I can do for the reigning Mount Rose Junior Miss Amer–
Amber pulls the brush away with a clump of Mary’s hair
dangling from it.
AMBER (cont’d)
Oh God…
MARY
What?
AMBER
Huh? Oh…Uh, just a little snarl…
Amber mouths, “Shhh! Don’t tell!” to camera as she tries
to pull the clump of hair from the brush. Amber ties the tiara and missing clump of hair to Mary’s
head with a ribbon.
AMBER
There we go.
She holds the mirror for Mary.
MARY
(delusional)
Beautiful… Maybe next week… a
perm.
AMBER
Yah… sure…
Amber gives a kind but worried smile to camera.
Suddenly, Becky Leeman enters with a large box of
chocolates. She’s fully aware of the cameras from the
moment she enters.
BECKY
Hellooo, Little Mary Sunshine!
(pretending to notice camera)
What?! Oh-oh my God! Lights!
Camera! And me without a stitch of
make-up on. What are you guys doin’
here?
AMBER
What’re you doin’ here?
BECKY
Oh, Amber, like you’re the only one
who visits Mary.
MARY
(to Becky)
Who are you?
BECKY
(covering)
“Who are you?!” Oh Mary, you kill me.
(to camera)
She always says that. It’s a little
game we play. Every week – same dippy
little look on her face. “Who are you
– who are you?” Just like that.
(in Mary’s face)
It’s me – Becky – and I brought your
favorites.
Becky puts the chocolates on Mary’s lap, a few spill.
Throughout the following, Mary slowly reaches for them as
if they’re forbidden fruit and she’s a very hungry Eve.
AMBER
How nice, Becky, she’s anorexic.
Becky roughly puts her hands over Mary’s ears, who’s now
gently petting the spilled chocolates in her lap.
BECKY
(sotto, reprimanding tone)
She’s skinny, not deaf, Amber.
HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE
Characters:
Schatze Page
Loco Dempsey
Pola Debevoise
Setting:
Ladies room in a very upscale restaurant
Schatze and Loco are powdering their noses, etc.
Loco: If you want to know what kind of a guy I’ve got…(draws a square in the air)
Schatze: All I can say is I’m a very happy woman. Not only is Mr. Hanley a perfect doll, but he’s absolutely unaffiliated.
L: You don’t think he’s a little old?
S: Oh grow up, will you. Men with that much dough are never a little old.
L: Mine’s loaded too. But he’s a real yawn.
S: Yeah, and he doesn’t even look single to me either.
L: He’s not.
S: Then what are you wasting your time on him for?
L: What else have I got? Unless you’d like me to lose him and join you and your friend.
S: You do and I’ll break your neck in front of this whole restaurant.
L: Besides, he’s invited me to a big party.
S: Oh yeah? When?
L: We’re leaving Friday afternoon.
S: Leaving for where?
L: His lodge in Maine.
S: Are you out of your mind?
L: I don’t think so. I like lodges.
S: Well you can’t go. It’s a violation of the whole idea and you know it.
L: Why is it? I could meet somebody else up there, couldn’t I?
S; Who you gonna meet in Maine, Eskimos?
Pola rushes in and immediately puts on a pair of very thick glasses.
Pola: Did you see this fella I’m with?
L: I saw him.
P: What’s he look like?
L: Very nice for a one-eyed man.
P: Is that all he’s got?
S: What do you think he’s got that patch on for?
P: I didn’t know it was a patch. I thought somebody mighta belted him.
S: Honestly Pola, why can’t you keep those on long enough to see who you’re with anyway?
P: Oh no. I’m not gonna take a chance like that. You know what they say about girls who wear glasses.
L: Maybe somebody shot him in the eye.
P: He sounds just wonderful. I was naturally curious to know what he looked like.
L: Who is he?
P: I don’t know that either. But he hasn’t mentioned anything under a million dollars yet.
S: My guy’s real class. Never mentions his wealth, just refers to it.
L: All Mr. Brewster talks about is what a horrible family he’s got. But I’ll say this for him. We haven’t ordered anything yet under $30 a portion.
P: If there’s anything leftover don’t forget to tell the waiter you wanna take it home for the dog.
S: We’d better be getting back before they cool off.
L: Where is Maine anyway?
Schatze & Loco leave. Pola stays behind for a moment and checks herself one last time in the mirror. She removes her glasses and heads for the door, bumping into the wall before making it out.
NT. BOATHOUSE – DAY
Michael is in the dark room with Hagen and Neri.
MICHAEL
How did they get their hands on
Pentangeli?
HAGEN
Roth engineered it, Michael. He
made Pentangeli think you hit him.
Deliberately letting him get off
alive. Then the New York detectives
turned Frankie over to the FBI. My
informants say he was half dead and
scared stiff — talking out loud
that you had turned on him and
tried to kill him. Anyway, they
had him on possession, dealing in
heroin, murder one and a lot more.
There’s no way we can get to him
and you’ve opened yourself to five
points of perjury.
They’ve got him airtight. He’s in
a military base, twenty-four hour
guards. Trying to kill him is like
trying to like the President —
it’s impossible.
MICHAEL
What does Fredo know?
HAGEN
He says he doesn’t know anything,
and I believe him. Roth played
this one beautifully.
MICHAEL
Alright. I’m going to go outside
and talk to Fredo.
EXT. BOATHOUSE FOYER – DAY
Fredo sits on the couch. When Rocco sees Michael, he
automatically takes his leave. Michael sits in the chair
opposite Fredo.
FREDO
(after a pause)
I don’t have a lot to say, Michael.
MICHAEL
We have time.
FREDO
I was kept pretty much in the dark.
I didn’t know all that much.
MICHAEL
What about now, is there anything
you can help me out with?
FREDO
I know they get Pentangeli, that’s
all I know.
Fredo gets up, walks to the glass panel that separates the
terrace from the lake.
FREDO
I didn’t know it was a hit. I
swear to you I didn’t know. Johnny
Ola contacted me in Beverly Hills —
said he wanted to talk. He said
you and Roth were in on some big
deal, and there was a place for me
in it if I could help them out.
They said you were being tough on
the negotiation, and if they had a
little bit of help, they could
close it fast and it would be good
for you.
MICHAEL
And you believed that story.
FREDO
He said there was something good in
it for me…me on my own.
MICHAEL
I’ve always taken care of you.
FREDO
Taken care of me. Mike, you’re my
kid brother, and you take care of
my. Did you ever think of that.
Ever once? Send Fredo off to do
this, send Fredo to take care of
that… take care of some little
unimportant night club here, and
there; pick somebody up at the
airport. Mike, I’m your older
brother; I was stepped over!
MICHAEL
It’s the way Pop wanted it.
FREDO
It wasn’t the way I wanted it! I
can handle things. I’m not dumb
Christ, not like everyone says.
I’m smart; and I want respect.
MICHAEL
There’s nothing more you can tell
me about this investigation?
FREDO
The lawyer; Questadt, he belongs to
Roth.
MICHAEL
You’re nothing to me now, Fredo;
not a brother, not a friend, I
don’t want to know you, or what
happens to you. I don’t want to
see you at the hotels, or near my
home. When you visit our Mother, I
want to know a day in advance, so I
won’t be there. Do you understand?
Michael turns, and starts to leave. A frightened voice
behind him:
FREDO
Mikey?
EXT. LOU’S TAVERN – NIGHT
A small building in the middle of a concrete parking lot.
INT. LOU’S TAVERN – SAME
Jack and Tyler sit in the back, with a pitcher of BEER.
JACK
You buy furniture. You tell
yourself: this is the last sofa I’ll
ever need. No matter what else
happens, I’ve got the sofa issue
handled. Then, the right set of
dishes. The right dinette.
TYLER
This is how we fill up our lives.
Tyler lights a cigarette.
JACK
I guess so.
TYLER
And, now it’s gone.
JACK
All gone.
Tyler offers cigarettes. Jack declines.
TYLER
Could be worse. A woman could cut
off your penis while you’re asleep
and toss it out the window of a
moving car.
JACK
There’s always that.
TYLER
I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe
it’s a terrible tragedy.
JACK
…no …no …
TYLER
I mean, you did lose a lot of nice,
neat little shit. The trendy paper
lamps, the Euro-trash shelving unit,
am I right?
Jack laughs, nods. He shakes his head, drinks.
TYLER
But maybe, just maybe, you’ve been
delivered.
JACK
(toasts)
Delivered from Swedish furniture.
TYLER
Delivered from armchairs in obscure
green stripe patterns.
JACK
Delivered from Martha Stewart.
TYLER
Delivered from bullshit colors like
“Cobalt,” “Ebony,” and “Fuchsia.”
They laugh together. Then, silence. They drink.
JACK
Insurance’ll cover it.
TYLER
Oh, yeah, you gotta start making the
list.
JACK
What list?
TYLER
The “now I get to go out and buy the
exact same stuff all over again”
list. That list.
JACK
I don’t… think so.
TYLER
This time maybe get a widescreen TV.
You’ll be occupied for weeks.
JACK
Well, I have to file a claim…
TYLER
The things you own, they end up
owning you.
JACK
Don’t I?
TYLER
Do what you like.
JACK
(looks at watch)
God, it’s late. I should find a
hotel…
TYLER
A hotel?
JACK
Yeah.
TYLER
So, you called me up, because you
just wanted to have a drink before
you… go find a hotel?
JACK
I don’t follow…
TYLER
We’re on our third pitcher of beer.
Just ask me.
JACK
Huh?
TYLER
You called me so you could have a
place to stay.
JACK
No, I…
TYLER
Why don’t you cut the shit and ask if
you can stay at my place?
JACK
Would that be a problem?
TYLER
Is it a problem for you to ask?
JACK
Can I stay at your place?
TYLER
Yes, you can.
JACK
Thank you.
TYLER
You’re welcome. But, I want you to
do me one favor.
JACK
What’s that?
TYLER
I want you to hit me as hard as you
can.
JACK
What?
TYLER
I want you to hit me as hard as you
can.
Tyler and Jack come out the back door.
JACK
I don’t know about this.
TYLER
I don’t know, either. I want to find
out. I’ve never been hit, have you?
JACK
No. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?
TYLER
I don’t want to die without any
scars. How much can you really know
about yourself if you’ve never been
in a fight? Come on… you’re the
only person I’ve ever asked.
JACK
Me?
Jack stares at him.
TYLER
Why not you? I’m letting you go
first. Do it.
JACK
This is crazy.
TYLER
Alright, go crazy. Let ‘er rip.
JACK
Where do you want it? In the face?
TYLER
Surprise me.
Jack swings a wide, clumsy roundhouse — hits Tyler’s
neck — makes a dull, flat sound.
JACK
Shit. Sorry. That didn’t count.
TYLER
Like hell. That counted.
Tyler shoots out a straight punch to Jack’s chest. Jack
falls back against a car. His eyes tear up.
TYLER
How do you feel?
JACK
Strange.
TYLER
But a good strange.
JACK
Is it?
TYLER
We’ve crossed the threshold. You
want to call it off?
JACK
Call what off?
TYLER
The fight.
JACK
What fight?
TYLER
This fight, pussy.
Jack swings another roundhouse that slams right under
Tyler’s ear. Tyler punches Jack in the stomach. Tyler and
Jack move clumsily, throwing punches. They breathe heavier,
drooling saliva and blood, growing dizzier from every impact.
INT. MELVIN’S APARTMENT – OFFICE – NIGHT
Quiet — safe — just Melvin’s voice reading aloud as he
writes.
MELVIN
‘Somewhat in the dark, she had
confessed and he had forgiven.
This is what you live for, he
said. Two heads on a pillow where
there is only the safety of being
with each other. How, she
wondered, could she find such hope
in the most shameful part of her.’
He barely reacts as we hear a LOUD KNOCKING at he reads.
SIMON (O.S.)
Mr. Udall.
But Melvin’s into it. His fingers flying as he reads.
MELVIN
‘At last she was able to define
love. Love was… ‘
More KNOCKING.
SIMON (O.S.)
Mr. Udall, I’d like to talk to you
please.
MELVIN
‘Love was… ‘
He almost has the rest of the sentence — the meaning of
love — but the knocking throws him.
MELVIN
… Son-of-a-bitch-pansy-assed-
stool-pusher.
He burst from his chair.
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING (NEW YORK) – HALLWAY – NIGHT
As Simon hears MELVIN through the door and takes a step
back. Melvin throws open the door. He looks demonic.
MELVIN
(loud and angry)
Yeeeess!!!
SIMON
Maybe this can wait.
Frank signals encouragement as Melvin opens the door.
SIMON
I found Verdell, Mr. Udall.
MELVIN
Well, that’s a load off.
Melvin walks back into the apartment and is about to
close the door when Simon has another burst of bravery.
SIMON
Did you… do something to him?
MELVIN
Do you realize that I work at
him?
SIMON
(eyes downcast)
No, I didn’t.
MELVIN
Do you like to be interrupt when
you are danging around in your
little garden?
SIMON
No… actually, I even shut the
phone off and put a little piece
of cardboard in the ringer so no
one can just buzz me from d…
MELVIN
Well, I work all the time. So
never, never again interrupt me.
Okay? I mean, never. Not 30
years from now… not if there’s
fire. Not even if you hear a thud
from inside my home and a week
later there’s a smell from in
there that can only come from a
decaying body and you have to hold
a hanky against your face because
the stench is so thick you think
you’re going to faint even then
don’t come knocking or, if it’s
election night and you’re excited
and want to celebrate because some
fudge-packer you dated has been
elected the first queer President
of the United States… and he’s
going to put you up in Camp David
and you just want to share the
moment with someone… don’t knock
… not on this door. Not for
anything. Got me. Sweetheart?
SIMON
Yes. It’s not a subtle point
you’re making.
MELVIN
Okay, then.
Melvin enters his apartment and slams the door shut.
SIMON
So the theory of confrontations is
that now he’ll think twice before
messing with me?
Frank smiles affectionately. Simon turns serious.
SIMON
He’s genuinely upsetting, isn’t
he?
FRANK
Won’t worry about it. You go
ahead.
Frank waits till Simon EXITS SCENE and then knocks loudly
on Melvin’s door. There is a sharp change in his demeanor.
MELVIN (O.S.)
Oh, I’m pissed!! Now I am really
pissed!!!
Frank waits patiently as Melvin jerks his door back open.
Frank immediately grabs Melvin by his shirt and jerks him
forward… Melvin is scared. Operating on survival mode.
MELVIN
No touch. No touch. No touch.
FRANK
You may think you can intimidate
the whole world with your
attitude, but I grew up in Hell.
My grandmother had more attitude.
You don’t intimidate me.
MELVIN
(calling)
Police! Police! Fucking crooked
police… doughnut-munching morons
help me!
(to Frank)
Assault and battery and you’re
black.
FRANK
Shhhh now. I like Simon. I like
him enough to batter you
unrecognizable if you verbally
abuse him or so much as touch his
dog again. Meanwhile, I’ll try
and think how you can make this up
to him.
(suddenly loud)
I hate doing this. I’m an art
dealer.
(beat)
Have a nice day. Party!
He tosses Melvin back and walks out. Melvin straightens
his shirt as he steps out into the hall. Frank smiles as
he re-enters the other apartment. Melvin appears impressed